What Comes First?

I want to throw this thought out to you, and I want you to think about it before you answer the question. If you are posed with the idea of doing something for yourself or doing something for someone else, even if you really need that something for you, what would you do? Most people would say they’d do something for someone else regardless of what they felt they needed. Are they right?

It’s not really about right and wrong here, it’s simply a choice. However, we have been programmed to believe it is more blessed to give than receive. I was brought up with that mindset and always strove to do that – do for others. I gave and gave and gave, to my kids, family, friends, peers and community. Then one day I woke up feeling extremely fatigued, nervous, anxious and wondered what was wrong. Years later, I understood what had happened: I had burned up my adrenals because I had pushed myself to do for others without taking time for me. My healing journey from that moment on was long and often painful, but that was necessary to get me to a point of understanding this basic life principle: You cannot give what you do not have.

What do I mean by that statement? The answer is simple. My well had run dry from giving to others continuously, so I had nothing to give anyone anymore, not even to myself. I rarely took time to relax or have quiet time, no time to replenish what had been given away. As a mother of five, piano teacher, seamstress and much more, I prided myself in all I could accomplish in any day, but what I was actually doing was draining my energy well. This energy well was made up of my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energy. Later I realized my drive to push was from past programming because I was always striving to become someone. I learned I didn’t feel good about myself so I pushed my physical limits to look like I was worth something.

Although I spent many years in the throws of this mindset, what I eventually realized was my own magnificence and that it was not selfish or egotistical to take care of me. But many people are not taught that they must fill themselves up first, so they slip into the mold of caretaker, pleaser, compromiser or peacemaker. Women have in the past been conditioned to be lesser than the male, that they are subservient to the men in their lives. Although many women no longer believe in their head they are lesser than a male, their previous conditioning may still leave an imprint of this belief deep inside, which may undermine what their head now thinks. Or perhaps you find yourself allowing someone you love to control your life. The only way a programming can be changed for good is if the head and the heart are aligned. This is done by releasing the old programming and replacing it with new beliefs that support your inborn power and worthiness, always based in love, which is your essence.

You are responsible for you. Even though individuals may do nice things for you, are considerate of you, take care of you and love you, this is all part of your external environment. The real you, the one inside of your heart and soul, is always your responsibility. No one else has the power over your thoughts unless you allow them, but ultimately it rests on your shoulders since you are your responsibility, and it is your thoughts that create your life.

If you are responsible for you, and you cannot give what you do not have, it only makes sense that in order to love another person, you must love yourself first. When you love another person you do nice things for them, treating them kindly and with respect. If you truly love yourself, then you can only do nice things for yourself, treating yourself kindly and with respect.

So in what way can you do good things for yourself? Do you take care of your health first and foremost? Or do you burn the candle at both ends or rush around from one place to another in the pursuit of being tagged super mom? Do you work long hours at your job only to return home and have household chores to do, kids to chauffeur, homework to oversee, a husband to spend time with? Are you pushing yourself hard to excel in your career to the point of no down time? Are you driving yourself relentlessly so you make more income? Do you feel that the more you do the better you are, or can become?

What about your spiritual growth? In what ways do you feed your heart and soul? Do you take time to read, attend classes, meditate, or do anything that furthers your spiritual expansion? What are your dreams? Do you ever think about what you’d like to do or be? Remember something of great importance: You are a spiritual being living on earth to experience an earthly life, to grow and learn life’s lessons. So this means your heart and spirit should be loved and taken care of most of all, yet we often neglect this essential part of our being.

I understand all of the above because that was me for many years. As I shared earlier, the result was adrenal burnout. I became ill and it took some years to heal. I rarely did things for myself; I actually felt guilty if I wanted to get a massage, take a class, or go to the park and have alone time. My life was about busyness and my thoughts created my belief that I didn’t have the time or the money to do these things. I always felt the kids had to come first, or others; I had responsibilities I would tell myself. Spiritual thoughts were there, but they were squeezed in if there was time.

Years later, after I was healed, I gradually saw that my inner belief had been to put everyone else ahead of myself, but that was self-destructive and not for my highest good. I had believed that to be loved or worthy I had to sacrifice myself and my desires, or that mine came if there was any time or money left over. I actually believed this martyr concept made me a great mom, wife, friend, child and community servant. I had to shift my beliefs that my health was most important to me and I had to spend the money, time and effort to heal. Often we don’t wake up until the cosmic two-by-four hits us squarely on the head, getting our attention. It took some time to undo all that programming so that I actually believed I deserved and was worthy of love for myself, and that I deserved to come first. Now I make sure I take time to do some things that make me feel good and maintain harmony and balance in my life. And this refers to all dimensions of health: emotional, mental, spiritual and physical.

This could be curling on the sofa and reading instead of vacuuming. It could mean getting a massage rather than buying as many groceries. It might mean getting some energy healing done because you know its value for your body and health. After all, if you don’t have great health, what do you really have? Isn’t your health of primary concern to you? It could mean that it’s time for you to find your life’s purpose or move in a new direction. Maybe you need some coaching guidance?

The holiday season is upon us and usually means bustling about to find the perfect gift for those you love.

It can become very stressful for many as they add new layers of busyness to their already packed schedule. I’m inviting you during this season to take time for you. Fill up your reservoir first, for you are the one who has to do it. If you take time for you so you are relaxed and full of joy, you can sail through the holidays with ease. But I also invite you to make yourself a priority from this day forward. Love yourself enough to put yourself first, and you will have more than enough for everyone else in your life.

Visit our website – www.wheremiracleshappen.com – to see many ways to help you take care of you so you can relax, heal, renew and grow.